A lesson in french driving and other adventures

Driving a stickshift will never be something I do naturally. Don't get me wrong, I have improved since two weeks ago (my first foray into the world of manual cars), but I will ALWAYS jerk the car when I shift gears and I will probably come to a complete stop and forget to shift back to first. C'est la vie.

That being said, I want all of you to know what it is like learning to drive a stickshift in french. I deserve a medal, some sort of public recognition for staying cool under pressure. My lessons went like this:

Saturday. "Tu veux faire une conduite?" (translation: "Would you like to enter the fifth circle of hell with me for a few hours in this small stickshift car?"). I reluctantly agree and get in my Fiat Panda with the mom.

Long story short, I stalled. A lot. I mean at least ten times before exiting the gravel driveway. And, joy of all joys, they live near the bottom of a hill. God hates me. Well, I make it up the hill, clutching the wheel for dear life, and actually get going on the road outside the village. I'm feeling pretty good about myself. My happy thoughts, however, are interrupted by the mother's abrupt cries of "FREINE! FREINE! ARRÊTE!". Luckily I looked up the word for brake in the dictionary before leaving...and what do you know, it's freine. Apparently in France they have this thing called priorité à droite where even if you're driving on some huge road (150 in the Knobs for example), some car on a tiny road on your right that wants to turn right onto the road can do it. And you have to yield. That can't possibly be a logical, sensible driving rule, can it? Needless to say, priorité à droite will be ingrained in my mind forever.

Sunday. This time, the dad wants to drive with me. The mom was a good teacher and God bless her soul, a patient woman. No one, however, can compare to this man. He is a pro when it comes to handling idiot american girls who can't drive stickshifts worth a damn. I mean, this man had me working the clutch like a pro within ten minutes and he did it all en français. Sure, I stalled four times in a row in the turn lane outside a chateau, but hey, it's an improvement folks. Everytime it looked like I was going to either a.) cry or b.) drive the car off the side of the road, he would conveniently have me stop at some amazing chateau that seemed to have appeared out of thin air. Here are two photos:

By the end of the day, I had vastly improved. The words/phrases of the day included "joue avec l'embrayage": don't yank your foot off the clutch you asshole; "CLIQ CLIQ CLIQ": turn on your f***ing blinker; and finally "ne t'excite pas": please take a deep breath because the more stressed you get, the more you SUCK at driving.

And voila, there you have the gory details of my first two days driving. I actually just got back from a small lesson and I must admit, I'm much better. There were no panicked cries from my passenger, so I take that as a good sign.

Other than driving, life here has been pretty normal. I'm figuring out the family quirks more and more each day and here is what I have observed thus far:

1. Everything has it's place. Even the dirty dishes need to be loaded a certain way. And I have to iron the kids' clothes. I'm talking t-shirts and pajamas. This isn't me complaining; I don't have any cleaning responsibilities except for kids' laundry once per week. But REALLY?! What seven year old looks in his drawer and thinks "well shoot, can't wear this t-shirt, it's wrinkly"???

2. We have a sneak smoker issue on our hands. More to come later.

3. Snack time is between 4:30 and 5:00 each day. It's a formal, sit-down meal. And I can't say I mind; if you don't eat at snack-time, however, you're SOL til dinner time. There is no grazing in this house.

For you foodies, I had the most delicious thing last night. Alain wrapped goat cheese in puff pastry and baked it till oozing, crispy perfection.

I think that's about it. Last night I watched the dubbed version of Pretty Woman with the mother. Nothing says "let's get to know each other" like watching sex scenes dubbed in french.